Shit Crystal Says

"Okay, two things; one, I don’t know how to turn the sprinklers off. Second, my vagina fell..."

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 02:59:10 -0400

“Okay, two things; one, I don’t know how to turn the sprinklers off. Second, my vagina fell asleep.”

Crystal: [had been carrying a blanket for a couple of weeks]

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:52:02 -0400

Crystal: [had been carrying a blanket for a couple of weeks]
Andy: Wow, Crystal, you really like that blanket. Mom says you look like Linus from Peanuts.
Crystal: Hey, I'm not dirty!

Crystal: What's the difference between a babushka and a bat mitzvah?

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:50:05 -0400

Crystal: What's the difference between a babushka and a bat mitzvah?
Kylie: Well, a bat mitzvah is a Jewish coming-of-age ceremony for girls, and a babushka can either mean a Russian headscarf or a Russian word for grandma. Why?
Crystal: Aww, now I feel dumb. Hayden told me he was going to a bat mitzvah earlier and just a second ago I told him "Have fun at the babushka!"

"No, I will never date an Asian. I am DONE with ching chong."

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:47:42 -0400

“No, I will never date an Asian. I am DONE with ching chong.”

- Crystal on dating Asians

"Look! On the horizon! It’s a Hannukah!"

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:46:13 -0400

“Look! On the horizon! It’s a Hannukah!”

- in reference to a particularly glowy building

"What’s turkey bacon? Is that the one with the ham?"

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:45:30 -0400

“What’s turkey bacon? Is that the one with the ham?”